Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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