Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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