i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
