im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
