I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
