when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
