Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
