Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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