it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
