make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
