return my video game
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
