Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
