If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
