You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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