do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
there is glitter all over my balls
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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