And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize