I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize