i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
