I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
