so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
