if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize