his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
