im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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