would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
