i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
