hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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