So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize