I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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