Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
