eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wear drunk well.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
