Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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