I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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