is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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