there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize