I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
