I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize