Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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