Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
