I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
