I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
