i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
