Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
