She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
