Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
