Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
