I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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