WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
