STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
