Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
