The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize