I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
