I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
