The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
