How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
