Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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