So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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