Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
