Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
