Where is the hickey?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
