My nipple is on Facebook.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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