Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
