Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
