what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize