Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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