I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
