tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize