She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
