K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
