The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
