It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
