There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i will never coherently bang her
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
