I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
well you can't waste a boner
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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